So, last time I wrote, I was expecting to see AF on 3/13. Well she never showed up. But, I knew that I never ovulated. No BB pain, none of my normal symptoms I get after I O. Well, the 13th came and went and of course, stupid me, I took a PG test and what do you know? Negative. Of course it is. So, now it's a week later and still no signs of O, no signs of AF and of course no signs of being pregnant. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING DIFFICULT???? I'm so frustrated with my body right now. Why is this happening? Why can't I just fucking ovulate like a normal person every month and just get pregnant already???? At this point, I don't even want to have sex anymore. I feel so bad but DH feels exactly the same way. We both don't get it and are super frustrated and just absolutely FED UP!! I've taken a couple OPK tests and of course negative. I've had EWCM though for like 3 weeks!!!!!!!! But it doesn't matter seeing as how I can't fucking ovulate!!!
I'm just so angry, frustrated, and absolutely at the breaking point of TTC. I just feel lately that it's just probably not going to happen for us. We aren't lucky. We don't have it easy. And it just plain fucking sucks!!
I'm done. I don't know how much more I can take of this shit.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
More updates
Okay well I have some new updates....
Since the last time I wrote, I got the blood work done and it all came back normal. Then, I got my well woman exam done and met with my new OB. She was very nice and I sat in her office and went over my history and what the next steps are. She told me I will need to get an HSG test done and Hubs will need to get another SA test done since the last one was in November it might have changed since then. Well woman exam came back normal which is always nice.
So, last week, Dr.'s office called and said that my insurace does not cover anything infertility which I figured would be the case. So, I found out from the imaging center that the HSG test is $610 for cash patients and the SA test is $265. YIKES!! Definitely a bit of a let down. Another road block to put up in our way. GRRRR....
So, I did find out my credit card company is offering 0% interest for 9 months so I think that will be the way to go for paying for these 2 tests. It's so DAMN expensive!! I hate that most HMO insurance companies don't cover infertility. It's ridiculous. And NOT FAIR!!
Anyways, so right now, I'm thinking I'm about 7dpo but the weird thing is that normally after I ovulate, I get really sore BBs and start breaking out everywhere. But right now none of that is happening. BB's don't hurt at all and no acne. I'm thinking I probably didn't ovulate yet and it's one of those weird cycles for me again. Grrrr. Plus, I'm sick right now too so I'm thinking that's throwing it off too. Well I guess we will find out for sure next week when AF is due. Kind of up in the air right now. Story of my life.
So, as for the HSG test, they want me to get it done on CD9 and CD1 should be next Thursday so pretty quick! Maybe that will be the answer that we need to get pregnant?!?! Please!
I will update after that!
Megan J
xoxo
Since the last time I wrote, I got the blood work done and it all came back normal. Then, I got my well woman exam done and met with my new OB. She was very nice and I sat in her office and went over my history and what the next steps are. She told me I will need to get an HSG test done and Hubs will need to get another SA test done since the last one was in November it might have changed since then. Well woman exam came back normal which is always nice.
So, last week, Dr.'s office called and said that my insurace does not cover anything infertility which I figured would be the case. So, I found out from the imaging center that the HSG test is $610 for cash patients and the SA test is $265. YIKES!! Definitely a bit of a let down. Another road block to put up in our way. GRRRR....
So, I did find out my credit card company is offering 0% interest for 9 months so I think that will be the way to go for paying for these 2 tests. It's so DAMN expensive!! I hate that most HMO insurance companies don't cover infertility. It's ridiculous. And NOT FAIR!!
Anyways, so right now, I'm thinking I'm about 7dpo but the weird thing is that normally after I ovulate, I get really sore BBs and start breaking out everywhere. But right now none of that is happening. BB's don't hurt at all and no acne. I'm thinking I probably didn't ovulate yet and it's one of those weird cycles for me again. Grrrr. Plus, I'm sick right now too so I'm thinking that's throwing it off too. Well I guess we will find out for sure next week when AF is due. Kind of up in the air right now. Story of my life.
So, as for the HSG test, they want me to get it done on CD9 and CD1 should be next Thursday so pretty quick! Maybe that will be the answer that we need to get pregnant?!?! Please!
I will update after that!
Megan J
xoxo
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
The Next Steps....
Wow.....time sure does fly doesn't it??
Well, today was my first doctor's appt to take the next steps in this TTC process. I passed the 2 year mark of TTC and passed the 1 year mark (Feb 5th) of losing our Angel Baby. I can't believe it's been a year. AND I can't believe we don't have a baby yet. I never thought it would be this difficult to have a baby. Wow.
So, the doc appt was quick and easy. Basically, had to see the family doctor to get a referral. Need to get a bunch of blood work done, get a well woman exam done and then on to a fertility specialist. Hubby and I are ready for this journey and see where it takes us. I'm kind of not looking forward to this but it needs to get done. It sucks that this is how it has to be but can't do anything about it except get help!
So, tomorrow I will be getting the blood work tomorrow, will wait a few days and then schedule my Well Woman appt with my OB/GYN. Once I get the lab results back, I will get my referral for my fertility appt. I'm a little nervous about the cost because we aren't covered for infertility. :(
David and I have discussed that we aren't quite sure about IVF or adoption. It is SO MUCH MONEY that we don't have and we honestly don't want to go that much into debt for a "maybe". We have come to the realization that if it isn't going to happen for us "naturally", then I think that might be the end of the TTC road. I feel like it just wasn't meant to be.
But, I don't want to jump the gun just yet! I mean, I did get pregnant before damn it! So, I know it is possible. It's just taking WAY longer than it should. Hubby and I are ready now!! Come on Rainbow Baby!!
So, until next time! I will update once I get the first fertility specialist appt going. Wish me luck!!
Megan J
xoxo
P.S. This is the picture I took on Feb 5th in memory of my Angel Baby. It just makes me feel at peace and know the baby is watching down over us and giving me hope!!
Well, today was my first doctor's appt to take the next steps in this TTC process. I passed the 2 year mark of TTC and passed the 1 year mark (Feb 5th) of losing our Angel Baby. I can't believe it's been a year. AND I can't believe we don't have a baby yet. I never thought it would be this difficult to have a baby. Wow.
So, the doc appt was quick and easy. Basically, had to see the family doctor to get a referral. Need to get a bunch of blood work done, get a well woman exam done and then on to a fertility specialist. Hubby and I are ready for this journey and see where it takes us. I'm kind of not looking forward to this but it needs to get done. It sucks that this is how it has to be but can't do anything about it except get help!
So, tomorrow I will be getting the blood work tomorrow, will wait a few days and then schedule my Well Woman appt with my OB/GYN. Once I get the lab results back, I will get my referral for my fertility appt. I'm a little nervous about the cost because we aren't covered for infertility. :(
David and I have discussed that we aren't quite sure about IVF or adoption. It is SO MUCH MONEY that we don't have and we honestly don't want to go that much into debt for a "maybe". We have come to the realization that if it isn't going to happen for us "naturally", then I think that might be the end of the TTC road. I feel like it just wasn't meant to be.
But, I don't want to jump the gun just yet! I mean, I did get pregnant before damn it! So, I know it is possible. It's just taking WAY longer than it should. Hubby and I are ready now!! Come on Rainbow Baby!!
So, until next time! I will update once I get the first fertility specialist appt going. Wish me luck!!
Megan J
xoxo
P.S. This is the picture I took on Feb 5th in memory of my Angel Baby. It just makes me feel at peace and know the baby is watching down over us and giving me hope!!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
New look, New Year!
Yay it's finally 2014!!!
I never thought this year would come. I'm so happy 2013 is done and I can close this chapter of my life for good. What a year. And I thought I would change the look of the blog a little bit!
I'm ready for the new year! A lot has happened (kinda) since my last post in September. At the time, I was finding out from my doc about the pending diagnosis of PCOS. Well, I did the blood work and it came back "negative" for PCOS which was nice but I had a little hard time believing it considering my ovulation issues and testosterone issues as well. During my appt, my doctor told me I would need to wait until APRIL to do anything further with my fertility issues. I was like, what? Say that again? I didn't quite understand that but in all honesty, just wanted to get the F out of there and ready to start from square 1 again.
Well, fast forward a month, and I decided to start Acupuncture based on all the positive and good things I've heard about it and just helping with fertility and every day life! Started acupuncture in October and have been doing it since then. My acupuncturist is pretty cool. I love it. I feel like she is more involved with helping me getting pregnant then my own doctor! So, in November, Hubby went to get a sperm analysis test done thanks to the help of my acupuncturist Carolyn and the co-op she's involved in we could get this done without having to go through my doctor. We found out that everything is in the "normal" range except for the morphology part. His numbers are at 23% and it should be anything above 30%. So not too terrible but definitely on the lower side.
If anyone doesn't know what morphology is, it involves how the sperm is shaped. Low morphology means it has an abnormal shape head, 2 heads, a long tail, 2 tails, no tail you get the idea. Well, the test result showed the head of the sperm was 69% defect while the mid section and tail of the sperm were at 4%. So it kinda gave us some answers as to why it is taking so long to get pregnant because the sperm are weird! LOL. They also did find that his sperm is "agglutenated" meaning it sticks together more than normal. The acupuncturist wasn't too familiar with this and told me I would need to check with my doctor to find out more. She did tell us of a few supplements to take to help that out and no cell phones in pocket and no lap top on lap that sort of stuff. So, since November, Hubby is working on his sperm!!
Next, I started a supplement called Pregnitude. Let me just say, if you have ovulation issues and lengthy cycles, this is an AWESOME supplement! Since my d&c in February, my cycles have been kinda weird. Since July, they have been super long and not the norm. When I started taking it in November, I was on day 62, no period and not pregnant. So I decided to start taking it and I started my AF on day 72! Yeah, I definitely say that was all pregnitude. So, I've been taking it once or twice a day now since then, and my next cycle was 26 days. Yes you heard correctly. 26 DAYS!! A normal cycle!! Couldn't believe it...
So, now, I'm on CD 16 and pretty sure I O'd today or late last night. Got a + OPK yesterday (blaring) and DTD last night and I'm not getting my hopes up anymore. I want to go back to the days of enjoying sex with my Hubby and not thinking, "I need to hold my legs up!!". BUT, I do have a good feeling about this year. I do think 2014 is our year. Whether I get pregnant or we have a baby, I think it will happen this year.
I decided to change my primary care doctor and my OB/GYN. I felt like it was time to move on and start fresh with a new doctor. Plus, my good friend recommended her OB and said he was fantastic so hoping that is true. I have an appt in February with my primary care doc but only to get a referral to the OB and get started on the next steps! I never thought this is where my life would be right now. I thought for sure we would have a baby by now and start our lives together but it hasn't worked out that way. And you know what??? It's okay. I've come to the realization that it just wasn't meant to be. And I'm okay with that. I know that Hubby and I are in a WAY better place mentally, physically and financially then how we were in the past. I do trust that it will all work out in the end, one way or another.
Let's hope 2014 (which is the year of the horse. YES!!) is a great and wonderful year and we get pregnant and have a happy and healthy rainbow baby!!
Until next time!
Megan J xoxo
I never thought this year would come. I'm so happy 2013 is done and I can close this chapter of my life for good. What a year. And I thought I would change the look of the blog a little bit!
I'm ready for the new year! A lot has happened (kinda) since my last post in September. At the time, I was finding out from my doc about the pending diagnosis of PCOS. Well, I did the blood work and it came back "negative" for PCOS which was nice but I had a little hard time believing it considering my ovulation issues and testosterone issues as well. During my appt, my doctor told me I would need to wait until APRIL to do anything further with my fertility issues. I was like, what? Say that again? I didn't quite understand that but in all honesty, just wanted to get the F out of there and ready to start from square 1 again.
Well, fast forward a month, and I decided to start Acupuncture based on all the positive and good things I've heard about it and just helping with fertility and every day life! Started acupuncture in October and have been doing it since then. My acupuncturist is pretty cool. I love it. I feel like she is more involved with helping me getting pregnant then my own doctor! So, in November, Hubby went to get a sperm analysis test done thanks to the help of my acupuncturist Carolyn and the co-op she's involved in we could get this done without having to go through my doctor. We found out that everything is in the "normal" range except for the morphology part. His numbers are at 23% and it should be anything above 30%. So not too terrible but definitely on the lower side.
If anyone doesn't know what morphology is, it involves how the sperm is shaped. Low morphology means it has an abnormal shape head, 2 heads, a long tail, 2 tails, no tail you get the idea. Well, the test result showed the head of the sperm was 69% defect while the mid section and tail of the sperm were at 4%. So it kinda gave us some answers as to why it is taking so long to get pregnant because the sperm are weird! LOL. They also did find that his sperm is "agglutenated" meaning it sticks together more than normal. The acupuncturist wasn't too familiar with this and told me I would need to check with my doctor to find out more. She did tell us of a few supplements to take to help that out and no cell phones in pocket and no lap top on lap that sort of stuff. So, since November, Hubby is working on his sperm!!
Next, I started a supplement called Pregnitude. Let me just say, if you have ovulation issues and lengthy cycles, this is an AWESOME supplement! Since my d&c in February, my cycles have been kinda weird. Since July, they have been super long and not the norm. When I started taking it in November, I was on day 62, no period and not pregnant. So I decided to start taking it and I started my AF on day 72! Yeah, I definitely say that was all pregnitude. So, I've been taking it once or twice a day now since then, and my next cycle was 26 days. Yes you heard correctly. 26 DAYS!! A normal cycle!! Couldn't believe it...
So, now, I'm on CD 16 and pretty sure I O'd today or late last night. Got a + OPK yesterday (blaring) and DTD last night and I'm not getting my hopes up anymore. I want to go back to the days of enjoying sex with my Hubby and not thinking, "I need to hold my legs up!!". BUT, I do have a good feeling about this year. I do think 2014 is our year. Whether I get pregnant or we have a baby, I think it will happen this year.
I decided to change my primary care doctor and my OB/GYN. I felt like it was time to move on and start fresh with a new doctor. Plus, my good friend recommended her OB and said he was fantastic so hoping that is true. I have an appt in February with my primary care doc but only to get a referral to the OB and get started on the next steps! I never thought this is where my life would be right now. I thought for sure we would have a baby by now and start our lives together but it hasn't worked out that way. And you know what??? It's okay. I've come to the realization that it just wasn't meant to be. And I'm okay with that. I know that Hubby and I are in a WAY better place mentally, physically and financially then how we were in the past. I do trust that it will all work out in the end, one way or another.
Let's hope 2014 (which is the year of the horse. YES!!) is a great and wonderful year and we get pregnant and have a happy and healthy rainbow baby!!
Until next time!
Megan J xoxo
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Now what?
So, I haven't written a new post in awhile. It's been pretty depressing the last few months and Hubby and I are just feeling defeated. I was so hoping this last cycle we were pregnant. I had a really weird cycle (it was 53 days) and we did everything right and I was feeling positive but then evil AF showed up on 9/11. So, Hubby and I talked and decided it was time to go see my OB doctor and find out what our next steps are. I called my doctor and went in on Thursday. I love my doctor and her nurse as well. They are so nice to me and make me feel so welcome and definitely makes this process a little easier. I told my doctor what has been going on and she decided that I should do some bloodwork for PCOS. For anyone that doesn't know what that means, it stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. I'm ready to figure out what's going on with my body and get me figured out. I JUST WANT A HAPPY AND HEALTHY BABY!!! Why does this have to be so hard? I feel like I have gone through so much in my life and why can't something like this be a little easier? I will never know the answer, I guess. And I always keep telling myself that "it's meant to be" with whatever happens. It's just so damn frustrating. Especially seeing all the pregnancy posts on facebook too. Why isn't that me? Why can't I have that happiness right now? GGGRRRRRRRRR.
So, anyways, I did the blood work on Friday morning and my next appt is on the 26th. I'm pretty sure I have PCOS. I've always thought that I had it just with my irregular cycles in the past and my hair growth on my face and around my belly button. So, what I'm thinking is once I do get labeled with having PCOS, maybe the medication my doc will give me will help me out and we will get our baby?? Maybe this is what I need. I'm so hoping it is. I'm so unbelievably tired of trying to have a baby. And so is Hubs. We NEVER thought it would be this difficult. I'm hoping I have some good news next time I write a new post. I guess you can say I'm pretty much done with writing these kind of posts. I have been feeling so negative lately and I hate feeling this way. I really do. Thank god for my husband. He always makes me feel better and pushes me through the rough times. Thank god he got a new job!! One good thing in this whole process. Maybe it will get the ball rolling down the right path!!
One thing I've always said (even before trying to have a baby) is that I wanted a baby before I turned 30. Well, if I don't get pregnant this cycle, looks like that's not happening!! Oh well. Guess you can't always get what you want. But, if you try sometime, you just might find......YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED!!!!!! And that is a babyyyy!!!!!!
Til next time,
Megan J xoxo
P.S. Here's the Rolling Stones video and you really can't always get what you want.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIX0ZDqDljA
So, anyways, I did the blood work on Friday morning and my next appt is on the 26th. I'm pretty sure I have PCOS. I've always thought that I had it just with my irregular cycles in the past and my hair growth on my face and around my belly button. So, what I'm thinking is once I do get labeled with having PCOS, maybe the medication my doc will give me will help me out and we will get our baby?? Maybe this is what I need. I'm so hoping it is. I'm so unbelievably tired of trying to have a baby. And so is Hubs. We NEVER thought it would be this difficult. I'm hoping I have some good news next time I write a new post. I guess you can say I'm pretty much done with writing these kind of posts. I have been feeling so negative lately and I hate feeling this way. I really do. Thank god for my husband. He always makes me feel better and pushes me through the rough times. Thank god he got a new job!! One good thing in this whole process. Maybe it will get the ball rolling down the right path!!
One thing I've always said (even before trying to have a baby) is that I wanted a baby before I turned 30. Well, if I don't get pregnant this cycle, looks like that's not happening!! Oh well. Guess you can't always get what you want. But, if you try sometime, you just might find......YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED!!!!!! And that is a babyyyy!!!!!!
Til next time,
Megan J xoxo
P.S. Here's the Rolling Stones video and you really can't always get what you want.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIX0ZDqDljA
Friday, June 28, 2013
4th cycle after MC
Well, I've been taking a little break from blogging. I'm now on my 4th cycle after my miscarriage and it's been tough. I feel like my life has been put on hold. Ever since I was laid off in February and Hubby hasn't been working since January, it's been really hard to be motivated to do anything. I can't believe it's been almost 5 months since the d&c. I feel like we have been doing everything right but I think there is something going on with one of us. I don't think it should be this hard to get pregnant after mc. I hear all the time how fertile you are after one but I don't think that's the case with us. I found out last week that my friend who has 2 kids already is pregnant. And they weren't expecting it. It's SOOOOO hard to be happy for her but I truly am. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for us just to have 1?
I feel like it's going down a better path now. Hubby should be starting work soon. He will actually be graduating in September and I am so proud of him. Once he starts working, I want to start my real estate classes and get my license so I can start my career! I need to get my mind off of baby making for awhile and I feel like I can't no matter how hard I try. I see all these pregnant women around me, my friends are pregnant or just having their kids and I have no job right now so my mind is always on trying to conceive, hoping the spermies got to my egg, dreadfully waiting during the two week wait and then AF shows and no baby once again.
My due date is approaching and I've been hoping that I am pregnant again when that time comes but I just have a feeling it's not going to happen. I had my cards read again and it was actually a WAY more detailed reading and said that I will be pregnant in 3-5 months and will have a happy, healthy pregnancy and will have a boy. She predicted a June or July due date. I'm hoping she's right! And kinda wrong and hoping that I get pregnant before that and have a happy, healthy pregnancy.
But, all I can do is have hope and just keep trying. I have come up with a plan if we aren't pregnant by September. I'm going to my OB/GYN and see what are our options. In September, I would like to get acupuncture because I've heard that really helps with fertility. David and I have talked about adoption and if that time comes where I can't hold a pregnancy or get pregnant again, we will look into adoption. I don't think I can spend money on IVF for a "maybe" getting pregnant. And David thinks the same way especially since he is adopted. Maybe that is supposed to be our path? We don't know.
But, either way, I just want to start our family and have a baby and be a Mom. That's all I want.
Until next time,
Megan J
xoxo
I feel like it's going down a better path now. Hubby should be starting work soon. He will actually be graduating in September and I am so proud of him. Once he starts working, I want to start my real estate classes and get my license so I can start my career! I need to get my mind off of baby making for awhile and I feel like I can't no matter how hard I try. I see all these pregnant women around me, my friends are pregnant or just having their kids and I have no job right now so my mind is always on trying to conceive, hoping the spermies got to my egg, dreadfully waiting during the two week wait and then AF shows and no baby once again.
My due date is approaching and I've been hoping that I am pregnant again when that time comes but I just have a feeling it's not going to happen. I had my cards read again and it was actually a WAY more detailed reading and said that I will be pregnant in 3-5 months and will have a happy, healthy pregnancy and will have a boy. She predicted a June or July due date. I'm hoping she's right! And kinda wrong and hoping that I get pregnant before that and have a happy, healthy pregnancy.
But, all I can do is have hope and just keep trying. I have come up with a plan if we aren't pregnant by September. I'm going to my OB/GYN and see what are our options. In September, I would like to get acupuncture because I've heard that really helps with fertility. David and I have talked about adoption and if that time comes where I can't hold a pregnancy or get pregnant again, we will look into adoption. I don't think I can spend money on IVF for a "maybe" getting pregnant. And David thinks the same way especially since he is adopted. Maybe that is supposed to be our path? We don't know.
But, either way, I just want to start our family and have a baby and be a Mom. That's all I want.
Until next time,
Megan J
xoxo
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
I've never been so excited to see my AF!!
Well, my 1st cycle since my D&C is finally here! I can't believe I'm happy to see my period come. I've NEVER been this happy to see it! Now, we can start trying again and move on completely now. For the past 1 1/2 months, my life certainly has changed quite a bit. I'm no longer at my job that I was at for 4 1/2 years. But, it's kind of nice since I can finish my real estate classes and get my license and start over fresh with my career and life!
This year started out so shitty and now it's getting better. Money is a little tight right now but hopefully soon Hubby will start working next month and we will get pregnant soon. I definitely feel way more positive this time around and feel like it will definitely happen for us sooner rather than later. I've been working out and getting my body healthier, physically and mentally. So ready to start our family again! Well, I will update you next month.
XOXO
Megan J :)
This year started out so shitty and now it's getting better. Money is a little tight right now but hopefully soon Hubby will start working next month and we will get pregnant soon. I definitely feel way more positive this time around and feel like it will definitely happen for us sooner rather than later. I've been working out and getting my body healthier, physically and mentally. So ready to start our family again! Well, I will update you next month.
XOXO
Megan J :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)