4th cycle after MC

Well, I've been taking a little break from blogging. I'm now on my 4th cycle after my miscarriage and it's been tough. I feel like my life has been put on hold. Ever since I was laid off in February and Hubby hasn't been working since January, it's been really hard to be motivated to do anything. I can't believe it's been almost 5 months since the d&c. I feel like we have been doing everything right but I think there is something going on with one of us. I don't think it should be this hard to get pregnant after mc. I hear all the time how fertile you are after one but I don't think that's the case with us. I found out last week that my friend who has 2 kids already is pregnant. And they weren't expecting it. It's SOOOOO hard to be happy for her but I truly am. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for us just to have 1? 

I feel like it's going down a better path now. Hubby should be starting work soon. He will actually be graduating in September and I am so proud of him. Once he starts working, I want to start my real estate classes and get my license so I can start my career! I need to get my mind off of baby making for awhile and I feel like I can't no matter how hard I try. I see all these pregnant women around me, my friends are pregnant or just having their kids and I have no job right now so my mind is always on trying to conceive, hoping the spermies got to my egg, dreadfully waiting during the two week wait and then AF shows and no baby once again. 

My due date is approaching and I've been hoping that I am pregnant again when that time comes but I just have a feeling it's not going to happen. I had my cards read again and it was actually a WAY more detailed reading and said that I will be pregnant in 3-5 months and will have a happy, healthy pregnancy and will have a boy. She predicted a June or July due date. I'm hoping she's right! And kinda wrong and hoping that I get pregnant before that and have a happy, healthy pregnancy.

But, all I can do is have hope and just keep trying. I have come up with a plan if we aren't pregnant by September. I'm going to my OB/GYN and see what are our options. In September, I would like to get acupuncture because I've heard that really helps with fertility. David and I have talked about adoption and if that time comes where I can't hold a pregnancy or get pregnant again, we will look into adoption. I don't think I can spend money on IVF for a "maybe" getting pregnant. And David thinks the same way especially since he is adopted. Maybe that is supposed to be our path? We don't know.

But, either way, I just want to start our family and have a baby and be a Mom. That's all I want.

Until next time,

Megan J 
xoxo

I've never been so excited to see my AF!!

Well, my 1st cycle since my D&C is finally here! I can't believe I'm happy to see my period come. I've NEVER been this happy to see it! Now, we can start trying again and move on completely now. For the past 1 1/2 months, my life certainly has changed quite a bit. I'm no longer at my job that I was at for 4 1/2 years. But, it's kind of nice since I can finish my real estate classes and get my license and start over fresh with my career and life! 

This year started out so shitty and now it's getting better. Money is a little tight right now but hopefully soon Hubby will start working next month and we will get pregnant soon. I definitely feel way more positive this time around and feel like it will definitely happen for us sooner rather than later. I've been working out and getting my body healthier, physically and mentally. So ready to start our family again! Well, I will update you next month. 

XOXO
Megan J :)

Starting to move on and start over

Well, have some new updates. Since last time I wrote, I went in to see my doctor on the 25th and she did tell me that I have a Blighted Ovum. She says it is normal and happens in a lot of miscarriages. She then told me I can wait 2 weeks to see if my body can miscarry it on it's own or schedule a D & C. I decided to wait the two weeks and see what happens. That was on a Friday.

Over that weekend, I can't stop thinking about it and decided I want to do the D & C now. I just felt like my body wasn't going to pass it by itself and wanted to feel better. Called my doctor that Monday morning and she wants to see me on Wednesday. 

I go in and sign a couple consent forms and they are trying to schedule the D & C surgery for Tuesday the 5th. They give me a lab to get some blood work done. They called me the next day and said they can get it scheduled for Tuesday the 5th. It's so weird to say this but I was soooooo relieved. I can finally start over and feel better again. 

Fast forward to Monday night. I WAS FREAKING OUT. All I kept thinking about was the surgery and how it was going to feel and the waiting was horrible. The surgery was @ 6am so that made me happy so I could get it out of the way early. 

Fast forward to Tuesday and Hubby and I get to the hospital, I get changed into the gown, get into the surgery room and get put out. Next thing I knew, I was in Recovery and it was DONE. It was definitely bittersweet. I felt sad but relieved it was over. Stayed in Recovery for about 2 hours and then I was out. Got a few prescriptions for the pain and antibiotics. Came home and had some bleeding and cramping.

Fast forward to Wednesday. My entire body is COMPLETELY SORE. I felt like I was run over by a dump truck. It hurt to swallow, neck, back, arms, legs all hurt. I couldn't believe it and it scared the shit out of me. Looked it up and a lot of people experienced it and said it was most likely from the anesthesia. Slept most of the day and just tried to get better. Bleeding wasn't too bad and cramping was minimal. 

Well, today is Thursday and I feel so much better. Still bleeding but very little cramping. I had a little more energy today, cleaned my room and ready to go back to work (can't believe I'm saying that.haha). Cleaned up the living room and noticed all my pregnancy books were left out along with the belly book that I already started writing in. Hubby and I started bawling crying and just held each other. It was time to say goodbye to our Angel Christmas baby. It was like a weight got lifted from my shoulders and felt ready to move on. 

So, Hubby and I will be trying again after 1 cycle. I'm a little nervous to be trying again and hoping it goes smoothly for us the 2nd time around. It took us 10 long months to get pregnant so maybe it will be quicker since I will be more fertile this time? I will try and think positive.

So, until next time and hopefully I will be updating with good news!!

XOXO
Megan :)

Not so happy anymore

It was nice while it lasted.

I hate to be Debbie Downer but that's all I've been feeling for the past week and a half. Well, since my last post, the next day my ultrasound place called me and said I need to take a STAT ultrasound. Oh great, what the heck does that mean? Unfortunately, they tell me, they don't have any appts left for today but you can come in on Monday. So, me and my worrying self, is panicking the entire weekend and thinking, this isn't good what's going on blah blah blah. I call my doctor right after and they tell me my blood numbers didn't double like they wanted, so they want me to get an ultrasound to make sure everything is looking good. They told me my numbers and they only went up 4000 points (when they should have gone up 14000.

So, fast forward to Monday and I'm just in a bad horrible mood (as you can imagine). My appt was at 220pm and they tell you to drink 24 oz of water an hour before your appt. I did that and low and behold, had to go pee super bad because they didn't call me in til 315!!! UGH!! So annoying. I didn't care and went pee and got called in for the ultrasound. Tech was emotionless and while we were getting it done, she went to get the radiologist. (bad sign). She comes in and tells me my placenta is really low and looks like it's on its way out and there is no fetus inside. So not good. Awesome. Just what I wanted to hear. So, more freaking out happens. I knew deep inside that something just wasn't right with this pregnancy. Everyone was telling me stop worrying but women know their own bodies and I knew something was going on.

Fast forward to Friday the 18th. Doctors appt at 330. Doctor tells me that it looks like I'm measuring at 5 weeks and 3 days (when I should have been 7 weeks and 5 days). Says that is normal. Ovulation could have been late or implantation could have been later. She also mentions that it most likely might be a "blighted ovum" which basically means the sperm had no dna ( a blank) and my egg was implanting like normal but with no DNA so it ends up becoming like a fried egg. Blah. Awesome. Great. I also have 2 fibroids but she doesn't want me to worry about that right now. Awesome great so happy. So, she tells me she wants me to take another ultrasound next week and make sure that it changing or not. If no change, then I am most likely miscarrying and she wants me to do that on my own and give it two weeks for that to happen. If I don't miscarry in two weeks, then she wants me to go in for another ultrasound and still make sure there is no baby inside, and if it's still the same, then she wants me to get a D&C. yay, so excited.

Fast forward to Wednesday the 23rd. 2nd ultrasound appt. Now, I'm measuring at 5 weeks 6 days. Not good. Tech didn't tell me anything except she thought it would be cool to show me where my fibroids are. Cool!! So, know I have my next doctors appt on Fri at 830am

Basically, I'm just ready to miscarry already. I know there is no baby inside of me and for some reason my body isn't miscarrying it. I'm so sad and I feel at such a standstill right now. I fucking hate this!! I want this to be over with!! I just feel so empty right now and just want to be happy again.

Until next time

Megan

symptoms (and lack thereof)...

Well, I'm onto the 7th week!! Can't believe it's going pretty fast! Had my first OB appointment last week (instead of this week). Last Thursday night, I was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden, I noticed I started getting some cramps and thought I should go to the bathroom. Well, when I went and wiped, I noticed a lot of blood. It was very pinkish looking and it only happened when I would wipe. Well, of course I started freaking out. I was home alone because Hubs was at school. I started thinking negatively and heard that when you bleed, its a sign of miscarriage. Hubby came home and I told him and he immediately thought positive. Which is exactly why I LOVE him soooo much. He went and looked it up and said, "see babe, there's a lot of other women that experience spotting and it's completely normal! He definitely made me feel better. I woke up the next morning and it was kinda brownish spotting but only when I wiped so that made me feel better. I called my doctor that morning and they told me to come in and make sure everything was okay. Went in and met my OB doctor, Dr. Urso. She was very nice but not overly so which I liked. Very to the point and answered all of my questions. She took a look and she noticed absolutely no bleeding!! I was so happy but like what the hell? She said it could possibly be from the placenta growing and there could be a pocket of blood. Dr. checked my uterus and she said it definitely looks bigger. She decided she wanted me to take Blood pregnancy test (HCG) and make sure my numbers are okay. I found out on Tuesday that it seems my numbers are going up so thats a good thing! Nurse said if there is an issue, my doctor will give me a call right away. Well, it's Friday and no call! 

I feel so happy that I'm finally pregnant but let me tell you. This is hard. I'm so anxious to hear that heartbeat, to make sure there is a baby growing inside of me. I don't really have that many symptoms. Just boobies hurting a little and cramping (which could be a bad thing but trying not think negatively!). I am tired too but I'm also recovering from being sick too so who knows. Last night, I had some pretty bad cramping but hardly any spotting. Just brownish.

My next appointment is on Feb 1st and we will be able to hear the heartbeat then!! My insurance only covers 1 ultrasound, so not until my 20th week!! Can you believe that shit? So annoying. My friend found out the gender at 14 weeks so I think thats what I'm going to do. I can not wait for that day, let me tell you. I think once we hear the heartbeat, I will feel so much better and can be a little more stress free. Well, I will update you with my heartbeat appt!

XOXO

MJ

First appointment

So, my first appointment went great. It was with my general practitioner (and who used to be an OB doctor but I guess isn't anymore....kinda bummed). Hubby came with me which made me happy. Appointment went great! I love my doctor. She is so cool and is just a real person and answers all of your questions without making you feel stupid for asking. Told her I took 5 pregnancy tests and she said it sounds like you're pregnant! She gave me a referral for an OB doctor and some blood work that needed to get done and that was it. She said in February I will be able to hear the heartbeat! So exciting!! Went in for my bloodwork today too so I could get that over with. My first OB appointment is 1/10/13 and I will be a little over 7 weeks by then so hopefully I get to see an ultrasound by then!!

So far, the only symptoms I feel are fatigue, boobies hurting and slight cramping here and there. I got sick with a cold on Christmas night so I've been home from work for the past few days. Need my rest!! It sucks because I haven't been able to sleep that well for the past week and I'm thinking it was anxiousness and then being sick too. Hopefully, I can sleep now!! No nausea yet. Been eating pretty normal but I heard nausea comes in around 6 weeks or so. We shall see!!

Ordered a bunch of books and my mother in law got me What to Expect when you're expecting which was nice!! Can't wait til all the books come in! I got baby book, pregnancy guide, jenny mccarthy's book, expectant father and some other ones! Hubby and I have already talked about names and how we are going to decorate the baby's room. It feels so unreal. It hit me a little bit more today but until I see the baby inside of me and that heartbeat, I think it will finally hit me :)

XOXO

MJ :)

Couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present!!

I finally got those 2 pink lines!!! YAY!! I can't believe it!! I feel so blessed and am still in shock!


I found out on Thursday morning around 645am and couldn't believe it. I took 3 tests just to make sure and they were all positive. It is so weird that to say "I'm pregnant!!". But, man do I love saying it!!

I've told the hubs, my mom, my co-workers, and hubs parents. It's pretty crazy timing since we will be seeing all of the fam for the holidays. I've decided to tell our families because if something bad does happen in the future, I know they will be there for me and support me. It just makes me think if I do miscarry, I can GET pregnant which is a huge deal for me. I'm so happy!!!

So, when I took the test, my hubs already left for work, so I kept it from him all day! It was so excruciating! I told the girls at work and they were screaming and so happy for me. Remember my last post about my co-worker getting pregnant? Well, we are such good friends now and I have been there for her since the beginning and we are so close even more now!! God does work in mysterious ways, doesn't he? So, I got home around 530pm on Thursday and was thinking of a good way to tell the hubs. So, I wrapped the 2 pregnancy tests in christmas wrapping paper and put it in a bag. Gave it to him and said "I want to give you an early Christmas present. You need it for Christmas eve!" haha. His face was so funny. So, he started unwrapping it and it fell out into the bag and he said "Is it a knife?" Wow. That's my husband! So, he looked at them closer and noticed what it was. He was in shock too and had the biggest smile on his face and we hugged for 5 minutes straight. Hehe

My mom freaked out too of course and we told Hubs parents through Skype and they were super happy too. I am so excited now to read some books, and just be pregnant! My first doctor's appt is next Friday so I will be 5 1/2 weeks then. Will update you then!! :) :) :)

SO SO HAPPY!!!