So, I haven't written a new post in awhile. It's been pretty depressing the last few months and Hubby and I are just feeling defeated. I was so hoping this last cycle we were pregnant. I had a really weird cycle (it was 53 days) and we did everything right and I was feeling positive but then evil AF showed up on 9/11. So, Hubby and I talked and decided it was time to go see my OB doctor and find out what our next steps are. I called my doctor and went in on Thursday. I love my doctor and her nurse as well. They are so nice to me and make me feel so welcome and definitely makes this process a little easier. I told my doctor what has been going on and she decided that I should do some bloodwork for PCOS. For anyone that doesn't know what that means, it stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. I'm ready to figure out what's going on with my body and get me figured out. I JUST WANT A HAPPY AND HEALTHY BABY!!! Why does this have to be so hard? I feel like I have gone through so much in my life and why can't something like this be a little easier? I will never know the answer, I guess. And I always keep telling myself that "it's meant to be" with whatever happens. It's just so damn frustrating. Especially seeing all the pregnancy posts on facebook too. Why isn't that me? Why can't I have that happiness right now? GGGRRRRRRRRR.
So, anyways, I did the blood work on Friday morning and my next appt is on the 26th. I'm pretty sure I have PCOS. I've always thought that I had it just with my irregular cycles in the past and my hair growth on my face and around my belly button. So, what I'm thinking is once I do get labeled with having PCOS, maybe the medication my doc will give me will help me out and we will get our baby?? Maybe this is what I need. I'm so hoping it is. I'm so unbelievably tired of trying to have a baby. And so is Hubs. We NEVER thought it would be this difficult. I'm hoping I have some good news next time I write a new post. I guess you can say I'm pretty much done with writing these kind of posts. I have been feeling so negative lately and I hate feeling this way. I really do. Thank god for my husband. He always makes me feel better and pushes me through the rough times. Thank god he got a new job!! One good thing in this whole process. Maybe it will get the ball rolling down the right path!!
One thing I've always said (even before trying to have a baby) is that I wanted a baby before I turned 30. Well, if I don't get pregnant this cycle, looks like that's not happening!! Oh well. Guess you can't always get what you want. But, if you try sometime, you just might find......YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED!!!!!! And that is a babyyyy!!!!!!
Til next time,
Megan J xoxo
P.S. Here's the Rolling Stones video and you really can't always get what you want.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIX0ZDqDljA
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
4th cycle after MC
Well, I've been taking a little break from blogging. I'm now on my 4th cycle after my miscarriage and it's been tough. I feel like my life has been put on hold. Ever since I was laid off in February and Hubby hasn't been working since January, it's been really hard to be motivated to do anything. I can't believe it's been almost 5 months since the d&c. I feel like we have been doing everything right but I think there is something going on with one of us. I don't think it should be this hard to get pregnant after mc. I hear all the time how fertile you are after one but I don't think that's the case with us. I found out last week that my friend who has 2 kids already is pregnant. And they weren't expecting it. It's SOOOOO hard to be happy for her but I truly am. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for us just to have 1?
I feel like it's going down a better path now. Hubby should be starting work soon. He will actually be graduating in September and I am so proud of him. Once he starts working, I want to start my real estate classes and get my license so I can start my career! I need to get my mind off of baby making for awhile and I feel like I can't no matter how hard I try. I see all these pregnant women around me, my friends are pregnant or just having their kids and I have no job right now so my mind is always on trying to conceive, hoping the spermies got to my egg, dreadfully waiting during the two week wait and then AF shows and no baby once again.
My due date is approaching and I've been hoping that I am pregnant again when that time comes but I just have a feeling it's not going to happen. I had my cards read again and it was actually a WAY more detailed reading and said that I will be pregnant in 3-5 months and will have a happy, healthy pregnancy and will have a boy. She predicted a June or July due date. I'm hoping she's right! And kinda wrong and hoping that I get pregnant before that and have a happy, healthy pregnancy.
But, all I can do is have hope and just keep trying. I have come up with a plan if we aren't pregnant by September. I'm going to my OB/GYN and see what are our options. In September, I would like to get acupuncture because I've heard that really helps with fertility. David and I have talked about adoption and if that time comes where I can't hold a pregnancy or get pregnant again, we will look into adoption. I don't think I can spend money on IVF for a "maybe" getting pregnant. And David thinks the same way especially since he is adopted. Maybe that is supposed to be our path? We don't know.
But, either way, I just want to start our family and have a baby and be a Mom. That's all I want.
Until next time,
Megan J
xoxo
I feel like it's going down a better path now. Hubby should be starting work soon. He will actually be graduating in September and I am so proud of him. Once he starts working, I want to start my real estate classes and get my license so I can start my career! I need to get my mind off of baby making for awhile and I feel like I can't no matter how hard I try. I see all these pregnant women around me, my friends are pregnant or just having their kids and I have no job right now so my mind is always on trying to conceive, hoping the spermies got to my egg, dreadfully waiting during the two week wait and then AF shows and no baby once again.
My due date is approaching and I've been hoping that I am pregnant again when that time comes but I just have a feeling it's not going to happen. I had my cards read again and it was actually a WAY more detailed reading and said that I will be pregnant in 3-5 months and will have a happy, healthy pregnancy and will have a boy. She predicted a June or July due date. I'm hoping she's right! And kinda wrong and hoping that I get pregnant before that and have a happy, healthy pregnancy.
But, all I can do is have hope and just keep trying. I have come up with a plan if we aren't pregnant by September. I'm going to my OB/GYN and see what are our options. In September, I would like to get acupuncture because I've heard that really helps with fertility. David and I have talked about adoption and if that time comes where I can't hold a pregnancy or get pregnant again, we will look into adoption. I don't think I can spend money on IVF for a "maybe" getting pregnant. And David thinks the same way especially since he is adopted. Maybe that is supposed to be our path? We don't know.
But, either way, I just want to start our family and have a baby and be a Mom. That's all I want.
Until next time,
Megan J
xoxo
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
I've never been so excited to see my AF!!
Well, my 1st cycle since my D&C is finally here! I can't believe I'm happy to see my period come. I've NEVER been this happy to see it! Now, we can start trying again and move on completely now. For the past 1 1/2 months, my life certainly has changed quite a bit. I'm no longer at my job that I was at for 4 1/2 years. But, it's kind of nice since I can finish my real estate classes and get my license and start over fresh with my career and life!
This year started out so shitty and now it's getting better. Money is a little tight right now but hopefully soon Hubby will start working next month and we will get pregnant soon. I definitely feel way more positive this time around and feel like it will definitely happen for us sooner rather than later. I've been working out and getting my body healthier, physically and mentally. So ready to start our family again! Well, I will update you next month.
XOXO
Megan J :)
This year started out so shitty and now it's getting better. Money is a little tight right now but hopefully soon Hubby will start working next month and we will get pregnant soon. I definitely feel way more positive this time around and feel like it will definitely happen for us sooner rather than later. I've been working out and getting my body healthier, physically and mentally. So ready to start our family again! Well, I will update you next month.
XOXO
Megan J :)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Starting to move on and start over
Well, have some new updates. Since last time I wrote, I went in to see my doctor on the 25th and she did tell me that I have a Blighted Ovum. She says it is normal and happens in a lot of miscarriages. She then told me I can wait 2 weeks to see if my body can miscarry it on it's own or schedule a D & C. I decided to wait the two weeks and see what happens. That was on a Friday.
Over that weekend, I can't stop thinking about it and decided I want to do the D & C now. I just felt like my body wasn't going to pass it by itself and wanted to feel better. Called my doctor that Monday morning and she wants to see me on Wednesday.
I go in and sign a couple consent forms and they are trying to schedule the D & C surgery for Tuesday the 5th. They give me a lab to get some blood work done. They called me the next day and said they can get it scheduled for Tuesday the 5th. It's so weird to say this but I was soooooo relieved. I can finally start over and feel better again.
Fast forward to Monday night. I WAS FREAKING OUT. All I kept thinking about was the surgery and how it was going to feel and the waiting was horrible. The surgery was @ 6am so that made me happy so I could get it out of the way early.
Fast forward to Tuesday and Hubby and I get to the hospital, I get changed into the gown, get into the surgery room and get put out. Next thing I knew, I was in Recovery and it was DONE. It was definitely bittersweet. I felt sad but relieved it was over. Stayed in Recovery for about 2 hours and then I was out. Got a few prescriptions for the pain and antibiotics. Came home and had some bleeding and cramping.
Fast forward to Wednesday. My entire body is COMPLETELY SORE. I felt like I was run over by a dump truck. It hurt to swallow, neck, back, arms, legs all hurt. I couldn't believe it and it scared the shit out of me. Looked it up and a lot of people experienced it and said it was most likely from the anesthesia. Slept most of the day and just tried to get better. Bleeding wasn't too bad and cramping was minimal.
Well, today is Thursday and I feel so much better. Still bleeding but very little cramping. I had a little more energy today, cleaned my room and ready to go back to work (can't believe I'm saying that.haha). Cleaned up the living room and noticed all my pregnancy books were left out along with the belly book that I already started writing in. Hubby and I started bawling crying and just held each other. It was time to say goodbye to our Angel Christmas baby. It was like a weight got lifted from my shoulders and felt ready to move on.
So, Hubby and I will be trying again after 1 cycle. I'm a little nervous to be trying again and hoping it goes smoothly for us the 2nd time around. It took us 10 long months to get pregnant so maybe it will be quicker since I will be more fertile this time? I will try and think positive.
So, until next time and hopefully I will be updating with good news!!
XOXO
Megan :)
Over that weekend, I can't stop thinking about it and decided I want to do the D & C now. I just felt like my body wasn't going to pass it by itself and wanted to feel better. Called my doctor that Monday morning and she wants to see me on Wednesday.
I go in and sign a couple consent forms and they are trying to schedule the D & C surgery for Tuesday the 5th. They give me a lab to get some blood work done. They called me the next day and said they can get it scheduled for Tuesday the 5th. It's so weird to say this but I was soooooo relieved. I can finally start over and feel better again.
Fast forward to Monday night. I WAS FREAKING OUT. All I kept thinking about was the surgery and how it was going to feel and the waiting was horrible. The surgery was @ 6am so that made me happy so I could get it out of the way early.
Fast forward to Tuesday and Hubby and I get to the hospital, I get changed into the gown, get into the surgery room and get put out. Next thing I knew, I was in Recovery and it was DONE. It was definitely bittersweet. I felt sad but relieved it was over. Stayed in Recovery for about 2 hours and then I was out. Got a few prescriptions for the pain and antibiotics. Came home and had some bleeding and cramping.
Fast forward to Wednesday. My entire body is COMPLETELY SORE. I felt like I was run over by a dump truck. It hurt to swallow, neck, back, arms, legs all hurt. I couldn't believe it and it scared the shit out of me. Looked it up and a lot of people experienced it and said it was most likely from the anesthesia. Slept most of the day and just tried to get better. Bleeding wasn't too bad and cramping was minimal.
Well, today is Thursday and I feel so much better. Still bleeding but very little cramping. I had a little more energy today, cleaned my room and ready to go back to work (can't believe I'm saying that.haha). Cleaned up the living room and noticed all my pregnancy books were left out along with the belly book that I already started writing in. Hubby and I started bawling crying and just held each other. It was time to say goodbye to our Angel Christmas baby. It was like a weight got lifted from my shoulders and felt ready to move on.
So, Hubby and I will be trying again after 1 cycle. I'm a little nervous to be trying again and hoping it goes smoothly for us the 2nd time around. It took us 10 long months to get pregnant so maybe it will be quicker since I will be more fertile this time? I will try and think positive.
So, until next time and hopefully I will be updating with good news!!
XOXO
Megan :)
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Not so happy anymore
It was nice while it lasted.
I hate to be Debbie Downer but that's all I've been feeling for the past week and a half. Well, since my last post, the next day my ultrasound place called me and said I need to take a STAT ultrasound. Oh great, what the heck does that mean? Unfortunately, they tell me, they don't have any appts left for today but you can come in on Monday. So, me and my worrying self, is panicking the entire weekend and thinking, this isn't good what's going on blah blah blah. I call my doctor right after and they tell me my blood numbers didn't double like they wanted, so they want me to get an ultrasound to make sure everything is looking good. They told me my numbers and they only went up 4000 points (when they should have gone up 14000.
So, fast forward to Monday and I'm just in a bad horrible mood (as you can imagine). My appt was at 220pm and they tell you to drink 24 oz of water an hour before your appt. I did that and low and behold, had to go pee super bad because they didn't call me in til 315!!! UGH!! So annoying. I didn't care and went pee and got called in for the ultrasound. Tech was emotionless and while we were getting it done, she went to get the radiologist. (bad sign). She comes in and tells me my placenta is really low and looks like it's on its way out and there is no fetus inside. So not good. Awesome. Just what I wanted to hear. So, more freaking out happens. I knew deep inside that something just wasn't right with this pregnancy. Everyone was telling me stop worrying but women know their own bodies and I knew something was going on.
Fast forward to Friday the 18th. Doctors appt at 330. Doctor tells me that it looks like I'm measuring at 5 weeks and 3 days (when I should have been 7 weeks and 5 days). Says that is normal. Ovulation could have been late or implantation could have been later. She also mentions that it most likely might be a "blighted ovum" which basically means the sperm had no dna ( a blank) and my egg was implanting like normal but with no DNA so it ends up becoming like a fried egg. Blah. Awesome. Great. I also have 2 fibroids but she doesn't want me to worry about that right now. Awesome great so happy. So, she tells me she wants me to take another ultrasound next week and make sure that it changing or not. If no change, then I am most likely miscarrying and she wants me to do that on my own and give it two weeks for that to happen. If I don't miscarry in two weeks, then she wants me to go in for another ultrasound and still make sure there is no baby inside, and if it's still the same, then she wants me to get a D&C. yay, so excited.
Fast forward to Wednesday the 23rd. 2nd ultrasound appt. Now, I'm measuring at 5 weeks 6 days. Not good. Tech didn't tell me anything except she thought it would be cool to show me where my fibroids are. Cool!! So, know I have my next doctors appt on Fri at 830am
Basically, I'm just ready to miscarry already. I know there is no baby inside of me and for some reason my body isn't miscarrying it. I'm so sad and I feel at such a standstill right now. I fucking hate this!! I want this to be over with!! I just feel so empty right now and just want to be happy again.
Until next time
Megan
I hate to be Debbie Downer but that's all I've been feeling for the past week and a half. Well, since my last post, the next day my ultrasound place called me and said I need to take a STAT ultrasound. Oh great, what the heck does that mean? Unfortunately, they tell me, they don't have any appts left for today but you can come in on Monday. So, me and my worrying self, is panicking the entire weekend and thinking, this isn't good what's going on blah blah blah. I call my doctor right after and they tell me my blood numbers didn't double like they wanted, so they want me to get an ultrasound to make sure everything is looking good. They told me my numbers and they only went up 4000 points (when they should have gone up 14000.
So, fast forward to Monday and I'm just in a bad horrible mood (as you can imagine). My appt was at 220pm and they tell you to drink 24 oz of water an hour before your appt. I did that and low and behold, had to go pee super bad because they didn't call me in til 315!!! UGH!! So annoying. I didn't care and went pee and got called in for the ultrasound. Tech was emotionless and while we were getting it done, she went to get the radiologist. (bad sign). She comes in and tells me my placenta is really low and looks like it's on its way out and there is no fetus inside. So not good. Awesome. Just what I wanted to hear. So, more freaking out happens. I knew deep inside that something just wasn't right with this pregnancy. Everyone was telling me stop worrying but women know their own bodies and I knew something was going on.
Fast forward to Friday the 18th. Doctors appt at 330. Doctor tells me that it looks like I'm measuring at 5 weeks and 3 days (when I should have been 7 weeks and 5 days). Says that is normal. Ovulation could have been late or implantation could have been later. She also mentions that it most likely might be a "blighted ovum" which basically means the sperm had no dna ( a blank) and my egg was implanting like normal but with no DNA so it ends up becoming like a fried egg. Blah. Awesome. Great. I also have 2 fibroids but she doesn't want me to worry about that right now. Awesome great so happy. So, she tells me she wants me to take another ultrasound next week and make sure that it changing or not. If no change, then I am most likely miscarrying and she wants me to do that on my own and give it two weeks for that to happen. If I don't miscarry in two weeks, then she wants me to go in for another ultrasound and still make sure there is no baby inside, and if it's still the same, then she wants me to get a D&C. yay, so excited.
Fast forward to Wednesday the 23rd. 2nd ultrasound appt. Now, I'm measuring at 5 weeks 6 days. Not good. Tech didn't tell me anything except she thought it would be cool to show me where my fibroids are. Cool!! So, know I have my next doctors appt on Fri at 830am
Basically, I'm just ready to miscarry already. I know there is no baby inside of me and for some reason my body isn't miscarrying it. I'm so sad and I feel at such a standstill right now. I fucking hate this!! I want this to be over with!! I just feel so empty right now and just want to be happy again.
Until next time
Megan
Thursday, January 10, 2013
symptoms (and lack thereof)...
Well, I'm onto the 7th week!! Can't believe it's going pretty fast! Had my first OB appointment last week (instead of this week). Last Thursday night, I was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden, I noticed I started getting some cramps and thought I should go to the bathroom. Well, when I went and wiped, I noticed a lot of blood. It was very pinkish looking and it only happened when I would wipe. Well, of course I started freaking out. I was home alone because Hubs was at school. I started thinking negatively and heard that when you bleed, its a sign of miscarriage. Hubby came home and I told him and he immediately thought positive. Which is exactly why I LOVE him soooo much. He went and looked it up and said, "see babe, there's a lot of other women that experience spotting and it's completely normal! He definitely made me feel better. I woke up the next morning and it was kinda brownish spotting but only when I wiped so that made me feel better. I called my doctor that morning and they told me to come in and make sure everything was okay. Went in and met my OB doctor, Dr. Urso. She was very nice but not overly so which I liked. Very to the point and answered all of my questions. She took a look and she noticed absolutely no bleeding!! I was so happy but like what the hell? She said it could possibly be from the placenta growing and there could be a pocket of blood. Dr. checked my uterus and she said it definitely looks bigger. She decided she wanted me to take Blood pregnancy test (HCG) and make sure my numbers are okay. I found out on Tuesday that it seems my numbers are going up so thats a good thing! Nurse said if there is an issue, my doctor will give me a call right away. Well, it's Friday and no call!
I feel so happy that I'm finally pregnant but let me tell you. This is hard. I'm so anxious to hear that heartbeat, to make sure there is a baby growing inside of me. I don't really have that many symptoms. Just boobies hurting a little and cramping (which could be a bad thing but trying not think negatively!). I am tired too but I'm also recovering from being sick too so who knows. Last night, I had some pretty bad cramping but hardly any spotting. Just brownish.
My next appointment is on Feb 1st and we will be able to hear the heartbeat then!! My insurance only covers 1 ultrasound, so not until my 20th week!! Can you believe that shit? So annoying. My friend found out the gender at 14 weeks so I think thats what I'm going to do. I can not wait for that day, let me tell you. I think once we hear the heartbeat, I will feel so much better and can be a little more stress free. Well, I will update you with my heartbeat appt!
XOXO
MJ
I feel so happy that I'm finally pregnant but let me tell you. This is hard. I'm so anxious to hear that heartbeat, to make sure there is a baby growing inside of me. I don't really have that many symptoms. Just boobies hurting a little and cramping (which could be a bad thing but trying not think negatively!). I am tired too but I'm also recovering from being sick too so who knows. Last night, I had some pretty bad cramping but hardly any spotting. Just brownish.
My next appointment is on Feb 1st and we will be able to hear the heartbeat then!! My insurance only covers 1 ultrasound, so not until my 20th week!! Can you believe that shit? So annoying. My friend found out the gender at 14 weeks so I think thats what I'm going to do. I can not wait for that day, let me tell you. I think once we hear the heartbeat, I will feel so much better and can be a little more stress free. Well, I will update you with my heartbeat appt!
XOXO
MJ
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