Not so happy anymore

It was nice while it lasted.

I hate to be Debbie Downer but that's all I've been feeling for the past week and a half. Well, since my last post, the next day my ultrasound place called me and said I need to take a STAT ultrasound. Oh great, what the heck does that mean? Unfortunately, they tell me, they don't have any appts left for today but you can come in on Monday. So, me and my worrying self, is panicking the entire weekend and thinking, this isn't good what's going on blah blah blah. I call my doctor right after and they tell me my blood numbers didn't double like they wanted, so they want me to get an ultrasound to make sure everything is looking good. They told me my numbers and they only went up 4000 points (when they should have gone up 14000.

So, fast forward to Monday and I'm just in a bad horrible mood (as you can imagine). My appt was at 220pm and they tell you to drink 24 oz of water an hour before your appt. I did that and low and behold, had to go pee super bad because they didn't call me in til 315!!! UGH!! So annoying. I didn't care and went pee and got called in for the ultrasound. Tech was emotionless and while we were getting it done, she went to get the radiologist. (bad sign). She comes in and tells me my placenta is really low and looks like it's on its way out and there is no fetus inside. So not good. Awesome. Just what I wanted to hear. So, more freaking out happens. I knew deep inside that something just wasn't right with this pregnancy. Everyone was telling me stop worrying but women know their own bodies and I knew something was going on.

Fast forward to Friday the 18th. Doctors appt at 330. Doctor tells me that it looks like I'm measuring at 5 weeks and 3 days (when I should have been 7 weeks and 5 days). Says that is normal. Ovulation could have been late or implantation could have been later. She also mentions that it most likely might be a "blighted ovum" which basically means the sperm had no dna ( a blank) and my egg was implanting like normal but with no DNA so it ends up becoming like a fried egg. Blah. Awesome. Great. I also have 2 fibroids but she doesn't want me to worry about that right now. Awesome great so happy. So, she tells me she wants me to take another ultrasound next week and make sure that it changing or not. If no change, then I am most likely miscarrying and she wants me to do that on my own and give it two weeks for that to happen. If I don't miscarry in two weeks, then she wants me to go in for another ultrasound and still make sure there is no baby inside, and if it's still the same, then she wants me to get a D&C. yay, so excited.

Fast forward to Wednesday the 23rd. 2nd ultrasound appt. Now, I'm measuring at 5 weeks 6 days. Not good. Tech didn't tell me anything except she thought it would be cool to show me where my fibroids are. Cool!! So, know I have my next doctors appt on Fri at 830am

Basically, I'm just ready to miscarry already. I know there is no baby inside of me and for some reason my body isn't miscarrying it. I'm so sad and I feel at such a standstill right now. I fucking hate this!! I want this to be over with!! I just feel so empty right now and just want to be happy again.

Until next time

Megan

symptoms (and lack thereof)...

Well, I'm onto the 7th week!! Can't believe it's going pretty fast! Had my first OB appointment last week (instead of this week). Last Thursday night, I was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden, I noticed I started getting some cramps and thought I should go to the bathroom. Well, when I went and wiped, I noticed a lot of blood. It was very pinkish looking and it only happened when I would wipe. Well, of course I started freaking out. I was home alone because Hubs was at school. I started thinking negatively and heard that when you bleed, its a sign of miscarriage. Hubby came home and I told him and he immediately thought positive. Which is exactly why I LOVE him soooo much. He went and looked it up and said, "see babe, there's a lot of other women that experience spotting and it's completely normal! He definitely made me feel better. I woke up the next morning and it was kinda brownish spotting but only when I wiped so that made me feel better. I called my doctor that morning and they told me to come in and make sure everything was okay. Went in and met my OB doctor, Dr. Urso. She was very nice but not overly so which I liked. Very to the point and answered all of my questions. She took a look and she noticed absolutely no bleeding!! I was so happy but like what the hell? She said it could possibly be from the placenta growing and there could be a pocket of blood. Dr. checked my uterus and she said it definitely looks bigger. She decided she wanted me to take Blood pregnancy test (HCG) and make sure my numbers are okay. I found out on Tuesday that it seems my numbers are going up so thats a good thing! Nurse said if there is an issue, my doctor will give me a call right away. Well, it's Friday and no call! 

I feel so happy that I'm finally pregnant but let me tell you. This is hard. I'm so anxious to hear that heartbeat, to make sure there is a baby growing inside of me. I don't really have that many symptoms. Just boobies hurting a little and cramping (which could be a bad thing but trying not think negatively!). I am tired too but I'm also recovering from being sick too so who knows. Last night, I had some pretty bad cramping but hardly any spotting. Just brownish.

My next appointment is on Feb 1st and we will be able to hear the heartbeat then!! My insurance only covers 1 ultrasound, so not until my 20th week!! Can you believe that shit? So annoying. My friend found out the gender at 14 weeks so I think thats what I'm going to do. I can not wait for that day, let me tell you. I think once we hear the heartbeat, I will feel so much better and can be a little more stress free. Well, I will update you with my heartbeat appt!

XOXO

MJ