SURGERY TIME!

Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated but I definitely have some updating!

Since the last time I wrote, I had to get blood work done (my husband and I) and all of it came back normal!! So excited for that. Then, after we got the results from that, my doc said I'm good to go for my septum resection surgery. So, I had to wait for my cycle to start, and it just started on 10/26 so my surgery is scehduled for next week, 11/4!! SO ready to get this done and over with. I can't believe it's in a week! I'm kind of nervous but at the same time, I feel like it will be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. 

I ended up having a psychic tarot card reading done and it was very helpful and informative. I don't take them too seriously but it made me feel better with our situation. She did mention that I will be pregnant in the first part of 2016 and she see's a boy. She also mentioned that there might be some hard times with my pregnancy but nothing to be worried about. I actually kind of figured that would be the case for me just because of all my other issues. Hubby and I have talked about having just one and done at this point. But, we really don't know what the future holds so we shall see. One child would be amazing at this point for us. 

It's been such a long, rough road and it finally feels like we are on a good path and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel!! Let's hope this is our answer! I will be updating once the surgery is completed!! Wish me luck!

xoxo
Megan J

Miscarriage #3

Well, there you have it...#3. And I pretty much knew it was coming. Same exact symptoms as the last two. And then the spotting at the 6 week mark. And then nothing on the ultrasound. And then more bleeding and cramping. And then miscarrying. Story of my life.

Today, I went to my doctor and he wants me to get more blood work done since it is my 3rd loss. He is concerned that I've had bleeding at 6 weeks in all of my pregnancies. So am I. There might be an antibody that is attacking the fetus or something else going on. He also wants to have my hubs tested for Paternal Karyotype just in case he might be a carrier of something weird too. He wants me to come back in 6 weeks after I've miscarried everything and have healed to go over the results and see what we need to do and go from there. I might not need the septum resection surgery after all if we can't have children. I just can't believe we have this luck. It's just wonderful. I wonder what it's like to just get pregnant and have a happy healthy child? I wouldn't know.

And to make things even better, I am in my friends wedding in October and just found out that 2 of them are pregnant. Yippee. So fucking happy for them. Ugh so shitty.

Well until next update.

3rd time around...Wooowwwwww

Yes, you are seeing that correctly...I am pregnant again! And I'm not too thrilled about it. I'm so scared and just don't know what to think about this. I had my mind set for getting the surgery done and thought there is no way Hubs and I are going to get pregnant. Well, I was wrong. My bb's started hurting on Sunday and didn't think much of it beside the fact that they should have been hurting awhile ago. Then on Monday, they kept hurting and I thought weird. So, I woke up on Tuesday and thought maybe I should take a pregnancy test. Well, here it is. And I'm just not positive about it of course. I'm scared I'm going to miscarry again and probably will. I have my first doc appt with my primary care doc just to get ANOTHER referral to my OB doc. So annoying how HMO's work. I'm thinking I'm about 5 weeks 4 days right now if I go off when I think I ovulated. So who knows. It doesn't really matter. Just expecting to see blood again at the 6w3d mark and look at the ultrasound and not see a baby again. 

Well, I will update when I go for my OB appt or when I will be bleeding. Trying to keep the faith but it's so so hard.

xoxo
Megan J

Time to get the surgery done

So, I went in on Monday to visit the doctor for my uterine septum removal surgery. I'm ready to get this done and move on. They go inside my uterus with a camera (hysteroscopy) and remove the septum part. I'm in and out in a day and it's a couple days of recovery. We have to wait for 3 cycles to start TTC again (more waiting what else is new) and I will need to have an HSG done afterwards to make sure the uterus looks good. Once I start AF, then we can get the surgery scheduled (need to take bcp's first to thin the lining of my uterus first).

And since the last time I wrote, I ended up miscarrying everything at home and didn't need to have a another d&c done thankfully. 

So, on to the next thing and hoping this is the answer for us. I will update once I know more about the surgery date.
xoxo
Megan J

Too good to be true...again

Well, I started miscarrying today. I have heavier cramping and bleeding now and some clots too. I just knew it was too good to be true. I had some spotting and some cramping on Sunday and went to my OB on Monday to find out what's going on and if it's another blighted ovum. The ultrasound didn't really show anything and she was saying that it might be too early. I just knew that it was another blighted ovum at that point. So she said she wanted me to do the HCG bloodwork and come back next week to follow up and see if anything has changed.

Well, early this am, I started cramping BAD and knew that I was going to start bleeding today and sure enough around 1pm, I started bleeding. So defeating. All I can hope for now, is that I won't have to go to hospital from losing too much blood and can miscarry at home. And then I will have to get the septum removal surgery done now.

I'm just so sad. I won't give up but it's so hard not to.

xoxo
Megan J

MRI Results

So yesterday I found out from my OB doc that I have a septate uterus...here's what it looks like

So, my doctor was telling me that I can have surgery to get that part removed and she didn't know that I was pregnant. So after she was telling me all these things, I told her, "um, I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant" and she was like WOW, congratulations! She did tell me that if  the baby implants on the part that comes down, I will have a miscarriage because the baby can't get any nutrients from there. So, I have been thinking positive but also not being naive about the whole thing. I do have a lot of people saying prayers for us right now so all we can do now is wait until  my 8 week appointment and find out then where the baby implanted. 

I go in tomorrow to my primary doc to get a stat referral over to my OB. I do have an ultrasound appt scheduled for 6/15 for my kidneys so I'm kinda hoping that they can take a look at my uterus at the same time? The worst they can say is no.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed, saying lots and lots of prayers and hoping this is it for us. 

But, I did talk to my Mom last night and she did make me feel better. She said if it doesn't work out and I do end up miscarrying, I have an answer now to our situation and I can get it fixed. 

But, I'm really hoping that doesn't happen. My Hubs and I have already discussed that one kid is perfectly fine with us.

PLEASE PLEASE let this be it!!! I've never wanted anything more in my entire life.

xoxo  
Megan J

2nd time around

Look what I got this morning....

So fucking scared....

So, I just had an MRI done on Friday to check out my uterus shape and I was supposed to start AF Saturday and it didn't come so I tested this morning and this is what I got. I'm terrified right now. I just don't know how to feel or think. I'm scared my body is going to reject this baby again. I'm scared that it's another blighted ovum. I'm scared of getting another ultrasound and nothing. I'M SO SCARED.

I hate this feeling...I'll never have that naive happy feeling about pregnancy again. I just don't want to feel that sadness again.

I'm hoping I can find out tomorrow what the results were from the MRI. If it's bicornuate uterus, then it's going to be scary and high chances of me miscarrying in the 2nd trimester. If it's septate, then there's a chance of it implanting on the bad part and not getting any nutrients and I'll end up miscarrying. I have jury duty tomorrow and I had my first appt scheduled so I'm going to have to reschedule it once I'm done with jury duty....great timing right??

So many thoughts going through my head and it won't stop...I'm trying so hard to think positive and hope that I'll be able to finally hold a baby in my arms...

But I'm not holding my breath.

Please God let this be true and good.

XOXO
Megan J

Update..and can't believe I'm still writing in this blog over 3 years later

Well, here I am, over 3 years later after we first started TTC, and still no baby. It's kind of hard to believe but nope, it's true. It's so weird and totally not how I envisioned my life.

Well anyways, I wanted to update my TTC life. I went to the OB/GYN for my yearly well women's appt last week and talked to my doc about what we should do next. She told me that my hubs sperm is actually normal and they had a meeting with a "sperm" doctor and found out new findings of what "healthy" sperm is and what not. So we can cross that off the list, thank god. Also, she wants me to get an MRI of my uterus to get a final answer if it's a bicornuate uterus or a septate uterus. She also wants me to get an ultrasound done for my kidneys. She told me that if the uterus is shaped differently that sometimes the kidneys are too. So, I need to get those scheduled and find out the results from that. If its a bicornuate like I thought from last year, then we start IUI treatment. It's not going to be covered most likely since it is infertility treatments. They will do it 3 times and if we arent' pregnant after the 3rd time, then the doc will refer me to a fertility specialist and go from there. She did let me know the risks of having BU and the possibility of miscarriage goes way up. Yippee. If my uterus is a septate uterus, then I will need to have the septum ressection surgery and then start IUI treatments. I know it sounds bad, but I'm kinda hoping its a septate uterus because if I did get pregnant, it wouldn't be a higher percentage of having a miscarriage because it would be like a normal uterus. But I just have this feeling that it's bicornuate. I don't know....

So, as of right now, I just need to get the MRI and ultrasound done and find out the results from that and go from there. Hubs and I decided that if we do the IUI treatments and don't get pregnant from that, then that's it for ttc. We will then move on to adoption. I don't want to go through IVF and spend so much money on it. But, I'm jumping ahead as usual, so first things first.

I can't believe I'll be 31 years old in 3 months and still not a Mom. Ho hum....

Until next time,
Megan xoxo